Daddy

Now is the time that I realize all that you stole from me All the things I allowed you to withhold from me And how I thought I was whole, when I never could be Now I see all the pain I withheld, and thought I let go Felt in love being held when I truly didn’t know And all the trees I thought I felled, when in truth, I was only blinded by snow Now I look back at all the things you did All the problems you hid How backwards you are with your pot covered lid. Better yet, now I see how awful it seemed When what should have been reality was only a dream And I was too scared to even scream And ask you for help when the nightmare began Too scared you would not offer me your hand So instead I sank instead of swam…… The love of a father should never be lost Silence should be banned, no matter the cost And I should never have allowed myself to become so lost. But all of that is irrelevant Because here I am writing you poems again Only to find it doesn’t matter and That I will never get over this. That I will forever know that I was never missed And you broke my heart for Freedom’s kiss. That kiss, I hope, was sweet Because her lips, mine will never meet Because I’ve stayed trapped by the thoughts of how you could do that to me. I’ve kept trying to find your replacements Someone who gives me better treatment But the damage is done and now I’ll never know to you what I meant Your moment has come and gone And like the ending of my self-written songs I’ve come to realize that you, not I, were wrong I love you, and you were all I ever had All I ever even wanted in a dad But all that you did to me was bad. So I’m done, with you and men. Forget the consequences dad, you win And if the time ever comes when you love me, tell me when. But until then I’m going to go hide myself away again Behind what has always seemed to separate us; a curtain Of denial, hurt and shame Of anger, broken love and pain And as I hide, I will know that you have always been the same And I don’t know why I EVER expected you to change.