Damn

The darkness sits inside 

Lying in wait behind my smiling face

Patiently creeping in to all my happy space

A dam with a leak ready to bust like a door holding back a flame 

Everyone has felt the darkness

It always leaves a stain

Trying to explain that in my brain it’s all darkness

That’s something people refuse to entertain 

“I get it” they say “I feel the same way”

“Down in the dumps like you’ve had a bad day”

No I’ve had a bad life full of loneliness and strife

Filled with hardship and heartache

That’s what built me this way

That’s why my darkness just won’t go away

Always at war do I stay do I go

If I go all the pain go’s away 

Sounding so tempting as I rattle my brain

I just want some peace and some quiet 

I’m so exhausted from playing this game

One foot in front of another

Because if I don’t the pain moves to another

If I allowed this to happen

Who am I as a mother?

No better than my own who left me this way

The one who chose darkness instead of deciding to stay

Abandoned and worthless 

Never feeling ok

That’s not a curse my child deserves to carry

So I choke down the demons I’m preparing to bury

And let the numbness consume the shell that I am 

As I keep an eye on the leak in the dam.