Dancing Blades

As I’m lying here tonight I realize a few truths…..

1.     I’ve had this thought at least a million times in my life, that its like a comfortable hug of warmth and freezing cold at one time.

2.     I haven’t had this thought in nearly four years and I know exactly what brought it out.

3.     I asked and was told no and really it wasn’t his response that got me to think that lonely thought, no it’s been a long time coming to be completely honest.

4.     The lack of self-worth I have was brought to the forefront reiterated by a series of events in my life and to be honest

5.     I’ve come so close to the end in the past 7 years that I’m surprised I’m even here and when others ask I know the answer so well it seems as if my response is a well versed line in a play

6.     In the past few years, I’ve learned how important time is and how important trying to live is because truthfully I’ve lost too many people in the past few years to count on my hands, I’ve ran out of fingers and I’ve moved onto my toes and soon those will all be gone.

7.     The truth, the truth is something that so far no one had been graced with, yet everyone has.

8.     I wonder if they will ever come to know my intricate game with a blade, how many can you take before you land in a hospital.

9.     Never enough to take you forever, just bought to forget about the here and now and that’s the problem isn’t it.

10. I think the thought that has the ability to kill me and I try to kill it with my mind, truth is that’s probably not going to happen.

11. To be completely honest, I don’t know if I want it to go away because when I truly think about, it’s the only real friend I’ve got that’s will always be there, that knows everything because it know one of my biggest secrets.

12. I’ve had this thought at least a million times in my life, that its like a comfortable hug of warmth and freezing cold at one time.

13. I haven’t had this thought in nearly four years and here it is present in the forefront of my mind, ready and waiting for me to pull the trigger.