Dancing with Him Now

Dear you, 

it’s 4am and I’m stuck alone staring at the sheets through my teary eyes. 

My eyelashes are clumped with a mix of tears and tonight’s mascara that I put on to try and cover the pain you can see in my eyes. 

My eyes speak volumes yet nobody seems to notice, nobody truly cares enough to stop and look at them. 

I’m trying so hard to get past this, it’s tearing apart my insides and making me want to rip my heart out of my chest

 Every night I leave my room, I go and try to forget the way your hair felt when I ran my fingers through it

The way you looked at me when I got dressed

The feeling of your skin against mine when we hadn't seen each other in a week 

And the sound of your sleepy voice when you first wake up 

And the way your raspy voice can never shut up when I’m trying to watch my favorite show

But I loved it all. 

Every stupid second. 

I cannot forget the way you made me float in the sky

And how you made me feel like nothing could ever make me feel this type of pain and anger and sadness

yet 

You’re the one that made me this way. 

But I’m dancing with him now.

I feel his skin against mine, and we’re surrounded by people in love doing the same thing. 

Our old song comes on but I’m dancing with him and in the moment, it feels so right. 

His hands are on my waist and lips on my neck as the lights change colors to the beat of our song, and I feel happiness in my chest again. 

But it's not real 

I'm in his arms pretending like this is what I want

I’m running off with him thinking that this will make me forget you but that night with him made it worse. 

It didn’t even blur your memory

It made it so much clearer. 

The whole time I had his body on mine I was wishing it was yours and now

Now I am so lost.  

You ruined the only thing I’ve ever believed in.