Part One

             My thoughts are a corpse, buried beneath the surface in a sickening coldness.

      Looking at your face sends shivers, like spiders, crawling down my skin.

      All reason tells me to feel relief, for after today I won't have to see you again..

           or will I?

 How can I unsee a memory so attached to me?

 

    I breathe in slowly,

          the sound of my breath like the lapping of tides.

 

    I stare across the room at you and can immediately tell who won.

      Clearly not me.

         not me..

      You never lost.

 

Do you question

            what is reality and what is considered…

                   the abstract?

 

              Was it all encased in the shutters of my mind

                    or

                 was it a true tragedy?

 

                  Am I overreacting?

                   Am I the one to blame?

           

           An envelope of mixed emotions engulfs me as I watch your umber eyes crinkle with laughter.

          The others share your ecstasy, unaware of the secrets hidden deep in the oceans of those eyes.

 

                  Of course most are blind.

                    How can I judge?

                      For I was once them…

                          praising a corrupt mortal like a god.    

 

      How like a bird I am, trapped in the cage of your misuse.

   It's been months since we last talked, and yet you still saunter about rummaging through my thoughts.

 

         Memories continue to haunt me each night…

    Your hands wrapped around me in a hug, promising you cared,

    desire in your eyes as you placed your hands lower when we met.

   Oh, how I felt the wrath of a thunderstorm bellowing in the chamber of my chest.

     And yet, I did nothing, for I pushed the thoughts aside..

  because I craved your affection.

 

  I was broken.

   I  thought you could mend me together with tape and false promises.

   

   You promised you cared..

                                           you didn't.

       

         In those hungry hungry eyes I was merely a sheep ready to be slaughtered.

       

                           Part Two

Love is a universal language..

     and yet

         I don’t understand it.

 

 In the name of love..

   we’ll risk anything

          and

  end up losing everything.

 

 Is that why I trusted you?

       Perhaps I wanted to believe

              it was because you loved me..

 

  But how can you say you love someone when you intend to hate?

 

  Did you really love me?

 

“I loved you.”,

    you lead me on.

 

“I loved you.”,

   you lied to me.

 

“I loved you.”,

   you snapped.

 

“I loved you.”,

    you treated me badly.

 

“I loved-”,

  YOU USED ME.

 

  Sinking in a dark thick abyss, I reached my arm towards you and you pulled me upwards to the surface for a moment, but quickly let go in a matter of seconds.

   You weren’t satisfied.

It’s been a year..

  since I kissed those toxic lips, experiencing your poison seeping into my soul and weakening me.

 

The memories still dig deep into my skin like a rose’s thorns.

  I have picked

                     and

                         picked

                              each one out.

Despite this, several still remain hidden, now scars.

 

     It’s alright.

 

They will always be there to remind me...

          how soft hands,

              tender kisses,

                  gleaming smiles,

                       and I love you’s

  are not always sincere.

 

 

 I now know it wasn’t my fault.

It never was.