Darkest Poem

This could be the darkest poem I will ever write

So I will make it a short one

So now it could be the darkest short poem I will ever write

And maybe it already is so let’s start with the light

Let’s start with the sun and how it isn’t even the brightest star in the Milky Way

Or how it produces 400 trillion trillion Watts every second

Which could supply all the power on earth for 500,000 years

And how sometimes I feel like the most powerful thing I can do is kill myself.

Knowing how easy it would really be

How quickly I could make it

But instead let’s talk about starlight

And how we never got to stargaze together

Or how every time I saw a shooting star I would wish for more of your kisses

And how every star since then I’ve been wishing to forget about your kisses

And the darkest times of my life have been every month since then

With less and less shooting stars to choose from

Which we both know makes no sense

Since I was born in the dark

And it wasn't yesterday

But there are still flashes of light sometimes

Like a car driving down my road less traveled

Shining it’s high beams to illuminate my face

Or the prickles of my unshaved chin

To remind me I am human

To remind me I exist beyond this emptiness

Beyond this endless existence

And I am not alone.

But when your headlight goes out you can fix it

When your headlight goes out you can go to an auto shop

Or a store

And buy a new light

But the light in my head is broken

And no store will sell me a new one

Not auto shop will repair my broken pieces

And no amount of fine tuning can dispel the storm clouds

beginning to rumble in the front of my brain.

I know that I will be ok again someday

But today just isn’t that day

And if you see me crying,

Know that it isn’t because of you

Or anyone really

I am crying because my eyes

Know that my heart feels left out

That my heart wants to let go

And sometimes we can no longer make excuses to hold back the rain