Darkness to Light

I used to live in complete darkness, as if someone had put a bag over my face. Leaving my vision paralyzed and mind confused. Everywhere I go I would put up a wall. An impenetrable wall no way to get in or out. I couldn’t bare the truth so I depended on lies. I was not myself. I put on an act and played my character well. I was believable to my friends, family and most of all myself. I hid underneath a disguise, and nobody could see that through my eyes. I was lost. I lived a depressing life, never feeling right in my skin. I made sure to pick out every flaw. Like a farmer picking his harvest day by day. I continued to hurt myself. Feeling like all hope was gone as the world judged every aspect of my life. I felt ugly. Each time I would look into the mirror all I would see was a beast. A disgusting, worthless beast. I thought to myself why me? Was there something wrong with me? Inside, I was breaking bit by bit. What would everyone think if I was gone? Nobody would miss me. I felt invisible. Like a ghost wandering the earth trying to find it’s right path. I wanted to die. Somehow, someway all hope was restored and I started to live my life again. I built up the strength to move each limb on my body. I wanted to sleep all day and let my soul decay, but my heart was telling me otherwise. Once I took that small step each step became more and more familiar. I was not put into this world to fit a stereotype. So what if I’m different, it’s a good thing. I will never know what a normal life is. I’ve had to fight my demons and go through obstacles to be where I am today. Nobody shall take my dignity nor pride away. I let my frustration and anger take a hold of me and it turned me numb. I still have days where I start crying, but I refuse to let the sadness control my life again. Today I’m alive. I love who I am, every inch from the top of my head to the bottom of my feet. The fog has cleared and so has my vision. The clouds have departed and the sun that was once hidden is now in clear sight. It dawns on me that I am the light. I am beautiful, I am gay and I am free. And finally…I am me.