That Day

The day you told me I needed to "lose weight" 

I was year four into self hate 

Those words werent foreign but I never expected to hear them out loud 

You looked so proud

but you always do

You say you hate yourself but you dont seem to

its more like a joke to you

A joke I can't understand,God will I ever get a clue

Its just a joke

A joke you knew would crush my progress

Hours spent sobbing on the phone to you,too much to compress

You saw my face fall and you looked like you'd won

After all, you were just having fun

I gave you my lunch every day for 6 months after that 

Avoiding the word Fat 

Avoiding your eyes

Avoiding the inevitable, the goodbyes

I counted every calorie 

Nothing felt satisfactory 

Nothing tasted as good as dying felt

Ninety-six pounds at 14 years old

I was controlled

Passing out at school

An unspoken rule

I was dying 

you knew but you kept lying

I do not think I can forgive you

I assume you feel a similar way too 

Always the victim

Never accountable