Day By Day

I try to love you,

But I can’t.

I try to accept you,

But it is impossible.

They’ve told me to caress you,

But I only have blades.

They’ve told me to take care of you,

But I only have alcohol.

I hurt you,

And apologize afterwards.

Say I will not do it again,

Give you aftercare,

Making sure you’ll stay sane.

Until next time,

Until I do it again.

Until I hurt you,

And drive you a little closer to death.

Again.

A blade caresses you,

A pencil tickles you,

A match grazes you,

Thirst laughs with you.

I try to love you,

And this is the only way I know how.

By making you suffer,

Hurt,

And push you closer to death

Day. By. Day.

Living with the heartache,

I am cruel for loving you,

In more ways than one.

I hope I can grant you peace,

Somehow

With the blades, and matches, and pencils, and pain

I hope they remind you of home,

Even if it is a cruel place

I hope they provide an escape,

Even if it is through the tears running down your cheek.

I try to love you,

And amidst the pain and scars and wounds,

I know, that I am cruel for doing so

Pushing you closer to death

Day. By. Day.

Day by day, I love you more

And I punish you for it

Day by day, I bring you offerings

And you ask for more

Day by day, I hurt you

And you love me more