Day By Day
I try to love you,
But I can’t.
I try to accept you,
But it is impossible.
They’ve told me to caress you,
But I only have blades.
They’ve told me to take care of you,
But I only have alcohol.
I hurt you,
And apologize afterwards.
Say I will not do it again,
Give you aftercare,
Making sure you’ll stay sane.
Until next time,
Until I do it again.
Until I hurt you,
And drive you a little closer to death.
Again.
A blade caresses you,
A pencil tickles you,
A match grazes you,
Thirst laughs with you.
I try to love you,
And this is the only way I know how.
By making you suffer,
Hurt,
And push you closer to death
Day. By. Day.
Living with the heartache,
I am cruel for loving you,
In more ways than one.
I hope I can grant you peace,
Somehow
With the blades, and matches, and pencils, and pain
I hope they remind you of home,
Even if it is a cruel place
I hope they provide an escape,
Even if it is through the tears running down your cheek.
I try to love you,
And amidst the pain and scars and wounds,
I know, that I am cruel for doing so
Pushing you closer to death
Day. By. Day.
Day by day, I love you more
And I punish you for it
Day by day, I bring you offerings
And you ask for more
Day by day, I hurt you
And you love me more