A day I wish I could forget

I snoozed my alarm clock for the 15th time before I finally managed to get out of bed and get ready for school. I slipped my backpack on, threw on my shoes, and untangled the rat's nest that was my hair. As I was leaving, my Indian mother handed me my lunch and reminded me to “get those W grades beta” mumma where did you learn that? “Oh I saw it on the TIK TOK”

Once I got to school, I ran to class, careful to avoid… certain people. I liked to get there early anyways to get my favorite seat. The very back corner. 

Halfway into math class, the two white girls who sat in front of me loudly whispered “Oh my gosh what is that smell?!” “I don’t know Rachel, but it smells like Curry to me.” So I tapped them on the shoulder and said “IM SORRY, at least my food has flavor.” 

Well, At least that's what I wish I said. In reality, I sat there pretending I couldn’t hear them, allowing their constant insults to consume and drown me. 

After fourth period, I managed to slip out of class a bit early for lunch. I went to the bathroom at the back of the farthest building, the only way for me to avoid the insults and stares in a cafeteria filled with people, well… different than me. 

I sat on the seat, fully clothed, don't worry, and opened the lunch my mother handed me, palak parathas, spinach tortillas.

As the familiar musty quietness enveloped around me, I thought about how I ended up here in the first place when my phone began to ring. It was my papa…

“Beta, it… it’s your mumma.”  

My mama was at Patel Brothers, an Indian grocery store, and as… as she was walking out a white man came up behind her. 

“YOU DIRTY ILLEGAL. HOW ABOUT YOU GO BACK TO YOUR OWN COUNTRY HUH? COME HERE.”

“NO. NO. STOP. Please.

“COME HERE! NOW”

“NO. NO”

That was 3 months ago. 3 months since my mumma’s death and my grief has not faltered. While I stopped attending school, the racist harrasment did continue. But the brutal comments and kicks are nothing compared to the pain that keeps surfacing. My mother is one example of hundreds of Asian Americans who have been subject to hate crimes. She did not receive justice, the murderer claimed he was simply acting in self defense.

Everyone believed him. 

And so I stand here, not asking, but begging, you all to open your eyes and start seeing all Asian Americans as people, nothing less.