Dear 14 Year Old Me

Dear 14 year old me,

I’m sorry if you feel like life has given you a bad hand.

I know you have been going been through things, real things that matter and should not be ignored.

But

You’re

Going

To

Figure

It

Out.

All of it.

Okay, well some of it.

Like that your favorite place to cry is on the furry purple rug in the middle of your room.

And you can hide a lot of the wrappers in your backpack…but mom is going to find them eventually.

Then sometimes you’re not going to even be able to eat a single cracker because you cannot bring yourself to eat that day.

You’re going to figure out that she makes you feel worthless and there’s no difference in silence and screaming.

Both have the same endless feeling.

You push people away and find every flaw in them until ultimately you cannot take even the sound of their heart beating.

You’re going to fail, and fail often.

And it’s going to suck.

One day in Geometry class, you’re going to get bored.

Drifting away from the lecture on, Triangles? Circumference? Graphing? You still really don’t have a clue about those sorts of things;

You’ll start writing.

And it is going to be AWFUL.

You’ll show it to a friend or two and they are going to think it is lousy.

Because it is LOUSY.

But it’s going to make you feel better.

Now you’re crying in your car because its senior year and you don’t want it all to end.

You like food and realized it is okay to eat it and not feel ashamed.

And you’re going to eat every single day.

She does not have the power to make you feel powerless.

Instead you have to power to turn down the volume of her volatile vocabulary and turn on some beautiful music.

You meet those friends like Rachel Green meets on Friends.

And keep those friends.

And they throw you a surprise birthday party just like Rachel Green had.

You’re going to succeed in the most amazing ways and create things that will matter.

You have the best life ahead of you.

And here are just some of the highlights…

You get into your dream university.

You find your passions.

You make mistakes, a good amount of them, but they make even better lessons and stories.

You learn that you are worth every second you get to be alive and that you should use them that way.

You still aren’t good at writing, but that’s okay.

You fall in love and you get hurt.

But you laugh, Oh Nikki, I wish I could only tell you how many times you’ll laugh.

I can’t wait for you to tell your stories.

I can’t wait for you to be me and be truly and utterly happy.

Because just like everyone else,

You deserve to be happy.

So live in every moment and love every last minute of it.

That’s what I’m doing.

The Best & Worst are Yet to Come,

Nikki-James Soto