Dear the 2019 Me

Dear the 2019 Me,

            We are almost there. We are almost in the future. Well, Me--I. I am almost a graduate. I am almost a lot of things. I am almost good enough or almost smart enough, unlike all my other friends who always make me feel inadequate. But this isn't about me right now, it's about you. I wrote you a letter like this freshmen year, but it is gone, and I remember I wrote you a similar yet lazy one last year as well but I think I can definitely improve although I still feel like the same failure I was last year, one with a broader taste in music.

I told myself that I can only take more than 2 AP’s next year if I can quit procrastinating now but so far, I haven't been able to, but I swear I am trying to change. I'm going to try though, I promise because I want you to be proud of me because I really need someone to be proud me I hope it is something that you have learned to overcome, heading into your first semester of college. It is kind of scary thinking that by next year today, we will be applying to colleges or FAFSA and stuff like that whereas I can still remember sitting in Mr. Horne’s class in seventh grade thinking about how far and distant just thinking about college was. I even remember first making my CollegeBoard account in Seventh grade and looking through colleges and shit like that and how Babu, a senior at that time, was proud of me for doing that. But now college is right next to us. We are almost there. We are almost in the future. And we will be happy in the future and maybe we will get enough sleep in the future and maybe we won’t feel like a failure in the future. I don't think you and I are going to be that different, but I hope you are because I want you to be so much more.

As your past self, read those books you never got to, if you haven't already. I know you are worried about getting into your colleges but the optimist in me says that you will be okay no matter what happens. You will be okay no matter where you choose to go. No matter who you are right now. I know it is hard to believe sometimes but you are loved. You are almost there, and I am going to try my best to make you proud of me. Right now, I’m trying to save up to buy us a new computer: one with a much better keyboard than this one.

I hope you learn to be yourself and I hope you love yourself, me. Maybe you want to do a different major now than you did when you were me. It is all very confusing. What do I want you to be? I want you to not be lame like me, honestly. Everyone knows you can be a shitty and judgmental person but that doesn't mean you constantly have to do shitty things. Why am I telling you this? I want you to be content and get into a college that fits your needs. Maybe you don’t want to go to UMD anymore, maybe you already got in. Also, I hope you fixed your Spotify playlists by now because they are hella messy, but I love them because we made them ourselves.

Another word of advice, something I have always said to you, but I continue to repeat: we haven't needed anyone in a long time and we don't need anyone to be ourselves. We are fine being alone. You are fine by yourself. You can't and shouldn’t ever rely on your friends for everything. We can talk to ourselves and watch movies by ourselves because other people are loud and annoying anyway. I wish you could write a letter to me, but you can't cause I am in the past and you are almost in the future. Now stop wasting your time reading this and go live your life, me.

Yours truly,

The terrible procrastinator Me.