Dear Angel,

How do I forgive your death when I have no one to blame?

Whenever my tears consult my pillow on the topic of you, I hear the bittersweet whispers of others

“She’s in a better place now”, they all say but

how is that even possible when you were always smiling here, on Earth, with me, with us?

I was taught to give you to a higher power, the “healer”, the one beyond the clouds, but

how could this Creator not know that if you were gone

a piece of me goes with you.

How am I supposed to love this power, when I only encounter Them during death?

If They truly are a healer, then why are you no longer here?

Why couldn’t prayers help your pain?

Your illness was so cunning, it forced us to believe that they were just headaches. That

with silence and darkness, you would get better.

Your own blood deceived you, swarming around your brain until it drowned in a red ocean;

forcing your body to slowly shut down.

But, you now carry a set of powder wings, watching the world from a birds-eye view; can you tell me what its like?

Have you met your favorites yet?

I remember how the room would turn into a dance floor when you heard Prince,

and how any item you touched would become a microphone when you heard Michael Jackson.

You don’t even know how much I miss you.

I still look around rooms for hours awaiting your arrival, purposely forgetting that you’ll never show;

causing immense disappointment and anger towards myself for craving the impossible.

As unhealthy as it is, I will never let go of the pain I had when I was told you were gone.

I will never forget how my heart sank when my mother said she was now a motherless child.

Heaven could have waited for you.

Heaven should have waited for you.

You were already an angel before the machine that steadied your breaths had to be unplugged.

You didn’t have to be part of a collection just yet.

We still needed you,

I, your granddaughter still need you.

I Love You,

Ciara Bailey