Dear Anxiety

Dear Anxiety,

Can you please go away? 

You're like that bad friend everyone warns me about but I can’t seem to get rid of. You were supposed to go away as I got older but instead, you just grew greater inside me causing the destruction of many aspects of my life.

Many people ask me what crazy parties I’ve been to but I have to say none because of you. I can’t go out or to new places without freaking out. I make up lies to about why I can’t go out to stay home with you. 

Days upon days you make me worry about nothing. The scenarios I sit for hours and think about will never come true but you don’t let me believe that. Instead, you sit there and you come up with worse scenarios. 

The hate you make me feel. Not about others but about myself. You tell me that everyone is looking and watching and making fun of me. I know it’s not true but you don’t let me forget. Everyone is going to leave anyway so why make friends, shield yourself you say. But you only say that so you can have me.

You’ve ruined relationships for me. I loved him and he loved me but stepped in the middle and got in the way. The constant reassurance and the fighting for no reason was your fault. Couldn’t you just let me be happy? 

 The things I didn’t do, the people I didn’t meet and it’s all because of you. The worst part is no one understands. No seems to get what you do to me. They say stop worrying and it doesn’t matter and forget about it. You think I don’t want to but I have you nagging me all the time about the dumb things and the small things. I am done. 

You may think I wrote this letter to let you know how you destroyed me, but you are wrong. Anxiety I am finally winning. I’ve met the people who understand and want to help me. The people who care and reassure me. I won because I am ok with who I am with or without you anxiety. 

I’m letting you know it’s over. 

I’m taking my happiness back. 

Lots of Love,

 

Sydney Didrickson