Dear Anxiety

Dear Anxiety,

When I first met you, you didn't bother me that much. I mean sure, you made me feel sick when I had to stand in front of the class or had to talk to new people, but that's normal, isn't it? Now, I can't go more than three days without breaking down and having a panic attack. You make me stress about everything, and I mean EVERYTHING. You make simple things seem like they are life and death. Anyone else wouldn't blink twice if they needed to get up to throw something away. But, for some reason, I feel like everyone is staring at me, awaiting a grand catastrophe that is to follow as I walk towards the garbage can that's less than thirty feet away. I can almost hear them whispering about me, making me the butt of their joke. So, I've learned to stuff my trash back into my lunchbox, to carry it home to discard later. You make it hard to talk to people, even my friends. You make me awkward and I never know what to say or how to behave. I don't know how to begin a conversation, and sometimes, if I'm able to start it, I end it abruptly because I don't know what to say besides "goodbye" and "see you later". I stress way too much about my grades, which usually sends me into a breakdown. You make me feel as if I'm never going to be good enough and that I'm going to end up alone. All I've ever wanted was to get married, have a family and travel the world, but how do I do that with you holding me back? I can't live like this. I can't live with you controlling my life. You make me live in fear while you suffocate me, making me seek comfort in your arms. I know you only mean to protect me, to keep me safe from everything out there, but our relationship is toxic. It's slowly killing me, driving me insane. You need to go, and I ask that in the nicest way possible because I don't hate you. I only hate what you're doing to me. You've shaped me in many different ways, not all bad, and for that, I thank you. You are the reason I am so kind, for if I say the wrong thing, you'll be sure to haunt me with it on my latest nights, catch me off guard while I'm taking a test. So, on that note, I'm kicking you out of my life. Take what's yours and leave, and no, I am not yours anymore.