Dear Best Friend

Dear Best Friend,

Who are you?

I just don’t know… maybe

When did you stop trusting me?

They say- friendship blossoms.

Ours did

Ours flourished for 10 beautiful years.

It was pink and new like a rosebud

But somehow constant like dandelions

It grew and changed as we did

It was like ivy

twined through the Chain link fence

Of the yard we played in.

Our sanctuary.

Somehow you found the weed killer,

The lush, green ivy was shriveled to the ground.

You found the gate and opened it.

For a while, I followed you out.

We loved our new life, you, loved your new life.

But I missed the consistency

You were the kind of friend who would tell me

“You have lipstick on your teeth”

“You have leaves in your hair”

But always smile after.

Then you stopped.

You laughed at the grass stains

on my Faded blue jeans.

And the dirt on my converse.

I laughed too,

Because, that’s what friends do?

I’m not so sure anymore,

I’m not so sure what friends are.

You know I dreamed of going to college with you.

And you did too!

For a moment.

Until you realized that you have bigger plans!

No, not bigger, slightly smaller.

They could fit inside the palm of your hand.

The same plans, but this time,

There was no room for me.

You didn’t hear me when I cried silently

Or when I screamed until it felt like my lungs might bleed.

You didn't feel me pounding on my steering wheel,

As if the stinging in my palms

Or the ringing in my ears,

Might stop the breaking in my chest.

Maybe then I would be able to catch my breath.

I still can’t.

Maybe I never will.

Maybe it’s not about learning to breathe again

It’s about learning to live without air.

They say true friendship is found in the silence.

But this silence is deafening.

The silence roars in my ears,

Reminding me of everything I can’t hear.

There is nothing worse than losing your _________

I don’t even know what to call you.

Faithfully Yours,

Bonny Daggett