Dear Body

Dear Body,

You deserve better

You deserve so much better than the way I've treated you

I've done as much damage to you as I have spent hours trying to make you perfect

Trying to fix you,

Because I used to look in the mirror, and all I'd see were flaws and mistakes

I couldn't love myself enough to love you

I didn't see myself as beautiful, because I thought you weren't beautiful

But the thing is, I know how you keep me going

My legs help me to move in the morning, to get ready for school

My feet help me to stay grounded 

My eyes help me to see the beauty of this world, and the ugliness to accompany it

My hands allow me to perform several tasks: painting, writing, playing an instrument

My throat opens up so that I can swallow the food that I've eaten and let it sink to my belly

It took me so long to realize how much you love me, body

I mean, you make sure I breathe while I sleep and in the middle of a panic attack

You cover up the cuts to stop them from bleeding

You fix the broken bones,

You produce white blood cells to beat the sickness that keeps me tied down and groggy

And when I'm feeling discouraged,

When I feel like no one is there to cheer me on,

My eyelashes give silent applause, every time I blink

Like they're a little audience, clapping for me and encouraging me to continue on

My dearest body, I love you, and I am grateful for you

And I want to make my peace with you

So I am sorry for all the times I've hurt you

I'm sorry for the times I sliced bar codes into the skin

I'm sorry for the times I've emptied the contents in my stomach and into a toilet like a sewage pipe

I'm sorry for the harsh comments I've made about why I thought you weren't good enough

I'm sorry for not being more thankful for what you do for me

My precious, vulnerable little body,

Thank you, for all that you do