Dear Body Issues,

Dear Body Issues,

You chose to haunt over my life when I was just ten years old

You took the mind of an innocent child and twisted it forever to only see her body in the darkest light

Every time I glanced in the mirror my heart would be completely torn not being able to see my ribs through my skin

Coming home crying wishing I could starve myself or have my little fingers help me purge happened too often for one's childhood

You reminded me how ugly, fat, and unwanted I was every day for a decade causing to detriment and poison my mind

Now being an adult in college and not being stuck in the negative ballet world where the anorexic was rewarded, I thought I would finally be free

But no.

You have decided to torture me even more

The thoughts that run repeatedly through my mind are about you, leaving me trapped in the darkness not being able to escape

Now my daily activity consists of comparing recent photos in college to ones from high school to notice any weight difference in my face, stomach, and legs

And when I do notice a slight increase, I hear your laughter reminding me how much of a failure I am for gaining weight

Whenever I eat something, I hear your voice saying, "you are so fat, why the hell are you eating again?!"

Yet when I hear your voice, and it triggers me to feel profoundly angry and depressed that I choose to eat anyways just to displease your nasty voice

As I eat, I again hear your evil cackle as you watch me fail at trying to starve myself but I choose to mute it as I enjoy my quick moment of happiness with the wonderful taste of food

Will I ever be free from your misery?

Will there ever be a time where I can love my body?

This decade of this psychological slavery has left my self-confidence to broken pieces

But writing this letter to you has made me realize, this suffering must end I deserve to be free

Now it is finally my turn to glue the pieces together, kill your toxic voice that has been torturing me in order to see myself and body in a positive light for the very first time of my life

Sincerely your old prisoner,

Erin