Dear Chase

Dear Chase,

Letters have been my better

Half since I could

Begin to comprehend that words

Only begin to sum up the story of

Life and with you so far

Gone from here

Life is still

Here but you’re

Not.

I’ve seen you smiling at

The person who wasn’t

Me in the aisle with the sprinkles and the

Nostalgia that suffocates

The bright pink

Of her lips that

Spread to smile back at you and I

Kept walking and I didn’t look

Back at you although

The balloons were calling and

I thought I should.

You’re not mine to keep like I keep

The monkey in the crack between the bed and the wall

Or the elephant

With the bandaid nose that can’t

Sing anymore and that makes her sad but

What makes me sad is that

When you smiled at the

Bright pink

I saw the whole world circling

Around your head and I knew that you’re

My dog’s eyes -

Happy without bound but older than me -

Or you when you turn 18 on that Saturday

In the first month of the beginning

Of your life.

I wasn’t there for you and that

Bright bubblegum

Was

And should I be sad for that?

I walked past those sprinkles

On the shelf with the disposable

Can opener and the yellow

Ketchup bottles

And I walked past those

Bright bubblegum pink lips

That you smiled at like it was your birthday

(which it was)

And I gave you away

Because I love you.