Dear College Board

Dear College Board,

Thanks to you, my Junior Year has resulted in manic depression

Including the weeks of anguish leading up to your test

Thanks for the fifty-dollar book of SAT practice questions

And the tutor was only a hundred bucks!

…every week for the past 6 months.

But it didn’t pay off because now my life sucks.

Thanks College Board

I just got my scores back and guess how I feel?

Pretty damn stupid. That’s how.

Getting that 2400 on your SAT had way too much appeal

I take one test, now that’s how my value is measured?

It was flipping four hours long and at 7am I am NOT going strong

But thanks for your website tips on how to avoid feeling pressured.

College Board-

I come into school and hear my friends comparing scores

I try to avoid the conversation and hide my humiliation

I’ll just walk quickly and keep my eyes to the floor.

I’m going downright mad from studying all this vocab.

I want my college degree, so I’ll register again and pay the fee

Did my car cost this much? College Board I better start a tab.

Dear College Board

I finally have you all figured out

“Determining my abilities”? More like limiting my possibilities

You are a BUSINESS and money is really all you care about

I’ve studied till I’m worn, and yet I’m left feeling forlorn.

But now I know it’s not ME, it’s your lucrative SAT that’s nuts

Maybe that’s why your logo is a dumb acorn.