Dear Dad

The moment you chose to stop inspiring me 

Is the same day I was born

The day you chose that over me

You continuously chose your friends 

Instead of your own daughter

Your drugs 

Instead of my childhood

Your life

Instead of mine

You make me want to scream 

Dad why aren't you here for me

You always showed up for my brothers baseball games

You even helped out and coached them too

You always had time when it came to sports or fishing

Not when I wanted to build a snow man or even watch a movie

Everyone said I was daddys little girl

They even called me a minnie you because I looked just like you

Having your stupid green eyes made me hate myself

It filled me with anger because I couldn't look in the mirror without seeing your disapproval

You always had something to say about

My choices

My clothes

And my art work

My best grades never were good enough

I was never good enough

Can't you hear me now dad

You destroyed my confidence 

Instead of building me up

You helped me see the ugly instead of my inner beauty

You created a monster within me

All the anger in the world could never compare to how much I hate towards you

And now I am letting go

Because you never were there for me to hold onto

You couldn't help me build my character when it got hard

You never heard me unless someone else was telling you

When I tried to make you proud you only saw a disappointment

I am Einstein's definition of insanity because all I do is try and try over and over again

Expecting you to change

You never did

And you never will

But dad

I still love you.

After the hell you drag me through in every conversation

After your disappointed glares when I'm doing something for myself

After letting go of my anger towards you

Because your my dad and one day I want you to walk me down the isle with a proud smile

I want my future kids to know their grandpa

I want to know that you are here for me now and forever

But for now I have to say goodbye to you

For my own sanity

Because the future is set on a bad course

You created this path when you left me

Now it's my turn to leave you

So we can change this relationship course and set it on a better path

Where you know how to love me too.