Dear Dad

Dear Dad,

You were my hero

Someone I looked up to

But as I got older that feeling started to go

With age comes wisdom

And now I’m wishing that wasn't so

Why do you disappear?

A phone call everyday and then nothing

Months go by in silence and then the familiar ring

I stare at the screen and wonder if I really want to have this conversation again

It's nothing important

I wish we could actually talk about things that are important

But I’ll take what I can get

You say its hard

It's hard not seeing your kids

I believe you

But why haven't I seen you in a year?

Is it guilt?

I wish you wouldn't let your guilt stop you from being in my life

Its hurting both of us

I can't say I’m mad

To be honest I don't know how I feel

I feel indifferent on some days,

and on others I just want to cry

Im jealous when people get to see their fathers

I never know when mine will show up  

I’m not sure that will ever change

But I’ll take spending a day with you,

over never seeing you again

I’m trying to let you in

I only have one father after all

You're trying, and I see that  

I really do

But dad on the outside,

it looks like I'm not a priority to you

I love you Dad

I always will

I'm trying to make this work

But your absence makes it hard

I’ll always pick up the phone

Regardless of how I feel

I’m overcome with doubt

And this wound will never heal

I can't get the thought out of my head of you being all alone

It's one of my biggest fears