Dear Dad,

Dear Dad,

            It’s been quite a long time since we talked. I think it’s overdue. I have so much to tell you and I think you’ll want to hear it too. My life has its ups and downs just like everyone else and   that’s nothing new. But does everyone have these mood swings like do. Some days I’m just so happy, like my life is finally going the way it should. I’ll be listening to music and dancing having so much fun. I can’t help but smile and think maybe it’s all past me, but that isn’t true. I’m nowhere near having it behind and I don’t think I ever will be. The other days are so hard and heavy on me. I can barely talk let alone be around people all I can think sometimes is how different my life would be with you here. The fact that no one sees around the fake smile hurts too. On those days I find it hard to anything besides watch t.v. I know should do my work but the motivation just isn’t there. I know wherever you are you can see me and are proud of all i’ve accomplished. I know the rest of the family is proud too. I wish you were here though so that I can hug you, give you a kiss or talk to you about my day. Everyone is so busy. Mom works a lot and so does your daughter. Your son is off at college and all I can think is that in just a few months I am going to be a senior. All of a sudden I’m losing my drive and all I can think about are the days after you passed. All of a sudden it’s like depression coming at me like a pile of bricks. It surprises me how long I was able to keep it at bay but it’s tired of staying on the sidelines. I try to stay positive as much as I can but as you have read it’s not always the easiest thing to do. Tell me, How do I make the depression stay away? All I can say now is that I am doing my best to keep going. I am taking each day one at a time and thinking about what would make me happy in life but also what would make the family proud. I know that mom and you camel to the United States to give me and my siblings a better life and I will always be grateful for that. I do have to admit though that I am a bit mad. You worked so hard for us and it came at great cost to you. You were losing sleep and it wasn’t good for your health. You would leave early and came home late that I barely got to see you. How could you do this to yourself? Otherwise than that you were in perfect health, nothing wrong with you at all. You left me at the age of nine with my mother now battling against depression, my sister trying to control her anxiety and my brother who was letting his grades slip because people were telling him that he had to be the man of the house now and provide for the family. Despite everything that’s happened and is happening I will always love and miss you dad. I send a kiss and hug to you wherever you may be. With love and gratitude, your daughter,

                        Jamilet.