Dear Daddy

Dear Daddy,

Despite the hours we spent arguing, and the countless nights of me stirring in bed, with your voice telling me that I was not good enough ringing in my ears, 

I still love you,

Despite the time you slapped me in the face because I defended my mother,

I still love you,

Despite the nights when the house reeked of alcohol and you didn't wake up in time to take me to school,

I still love you,

Despite the fact that I still flinch every time I see a belt because of how you would beat my younger brother with it,

I still love you,

Despite the time you told me you wish I was never born, 

I still love you,

Despite the time you pretended you didn't see the scars on my wrist,

Pretended you didn't see me hurting,

I still love you,

Because when I was younger, you made it clear that you loved me,

Because you would take me out on Jae Jae Days, and we would go to the movies and you would buy me Polly Pockets,

Because you would call me Daddy's Little Girl, and tickle me for so long that I laughed 'til I cried,

Because you would hold me and tell me that I was the thing you were most proud of in you life,

Because even when you got depressed and became an alcoholic,

You still had days when you would show me you love me,

Because even though you died,

I know you still love me,

And I still love you.

Love, 

Jae Jae