Dear Daddy

Dear Daddy,

I love you and I miss you so much. I’m sorry I didn’t spend more time with you before you left this world. I’m sorry I didn’t express my love enough.

It’s amazing how a few simple words can cause our world to come crashing down.The day mommy told me she took you to the hospital, I broke down. I didn’t want to imagine the worst so I just asked if you were okay.  In that moment, mommy and I began bawling and clung onto each other for I don’t know if you can even imagine the pain I have gone through and am still going through. I know that sounds selfish because you are also living without mommy and I and I’m sorry. I want to let you know what’s happened ever since you moved from this earth to heaven.

The day you died, I went to visit you at the hospital with mommy and Uncle Yembeh and I couldn’t believe you were truly gone. There was no air in your lungs and your body was stiff. I gave you a hug and I thought I would hurt you because of how hard I was trying to wrap my arms around you. I remember sitting down and staring at your body as I got a call. Miki was facetiming me and I stepped out of the room to talk to her. When she saw my face, she immediately told me that Dr. Romain had told her what happened. As she uttered those words, I couldn’t control myself and began crying again. She cried with me and gave me words of encouragement before we ended our call. Then we went home and mommy started thinking about plans for your funeral. It all seemed so surreal to me and I remember thinking that I was just in a really vivid nightmare. I was so tired from crying so much that I took a nap and expected to wake up to mommy saying that you were getting better in the hospital, but that wasn’t the case. I even waited till later in the day to tell my close friends about you, I figured that all of it wasn’t real if I didn’t tell anyone. Again, I was wrong. That evening, mommy and I went to school to talk to my counselor and teachers to notify them that I would be missing school for two weeks because of everything that happened. Initially, we saw Coach Roberts and he told us he already talked to my teachers and counselor after he received my email. We then spoke to my counselor and Mrs. Hengst. Mrs. Hengst was very understanding and told me not to worry about anything related to her class until after I came back to school. We then left and went back home. That night, Abby, Cat, Brooke, Tobi, and Mariah came to spend time with me. They were with me as I called some other friends to let them know what happened. They left pretty late and Abby was still with me after midnight. We continued talking and she spent the night with me. The next day, mommy and I were told that her siblings wanted us to go to Houston to be with them as we made the funeral arrangements, so we packed our bags. As we were packing, Brooke’s mom came to visit us and offer her condolences. She gave mommy a hug and they cried a lot as they comforted each other. The next day, we finally packed and Uncle Oghana and Uncle Tamba took us to Houston.

For the first few weeks after you passed away, I cried myself to sleep. It got to the point where I was proud of myself when I made it through a night without crying. In those moments, I just cried out to God and asked him to strengthen and comfort mommy and I along with revealing His love to us. I also talked to Miki, Steffani, and Abby. I tried to talk to mommy but she didn’t seem like she wanted to talk. She was very confusing because she would tell me she wants me to talk to her and I would, yet she wouldn’t speak to me. For a while, I felt like I was experiencing all of the pain and grief alone because mommy didn’t talk to me. Now, I won’t lie and say that I was completely transparent with mommy but I did try to talk to her when I felt like it. I also tried to talk to Matilda and Madison. While in Houston, many people came over to the house to visit us but Deaconess Kemi came the most. She stayed with mommy and I and Kene even came to see me. I’m sure you know who came since you saw them as you were looking down from heaven.

The next thing I want to talk about is the actual day of your funeral. It was Saturday, November 11, only two days after mommy’s birthday. It was a difficult day for everyone. We started off with the viewing and service at the hall. It was so hard to see your body laying there and I just wanted to give you a hug and feel you squeeze back. I gave you a kiss, a hug, and placed a rose on your chest then said goodbye. Before the service started, the Mr. Davis, the funeral director has to close the casket. It was such a simple task, but it made me hurt so much. I didn’t want to see you being closed in that casket and neither did anyone else. There was a lot of crying and a few people even streamed. Many people came from near and far to see you. Uncle Junior and Uncle Pafoday flew in and Abby, Brooke, Tobi, Cat, and Mariah drove down from Austin. Even Pastor Ajayi came to say goodbye and make sure everything ran smoothly. The resident pastor at Winners, Pastor David, officiated the service along with the ministers. I read a bible verse, along with Matilda, Uncle Yembeh, and Uncle Asko. We sang some hymns and then you were rolled away and put in a different car than the limousine mommy and I were in.

We then arrived at the funeral home in Pearland and started the quick service. Pastor David gave a quick word of encouragement, we sang a few hymns, and mommy and I had to place dirt on your coffin. Mommy did it then handed the rest of the dirt to me, I didn’t know what to say and I didn’t understand what to do. I didn’t want to stain you or your coffin, to me you were still alive, just not on earth. After I put the dirt on your coffin, they began to release you into the ground. I cried as your body was lowered into the earth and mommy let out a loud scream. It was the first time we had all seen mommy allowed herself to release her emotions. After that, more dirt was put over your casket and mommy and I walked to the limousine with Pastor David as he spoke to us. Once again, we encouraged us before he left. Mommy and I then said goodbye to everyone who came, we entered the car, and returned to the hall for the reception.

Daddy, I want you to know that mommy and I miss you so much. There are no words that describe the many emotions we feel daily. I wish you were here with us to talk more, take more pictures, and spend more time together, but I’m happy you’re no longer in pain. I’m happy that you no longer have multiple myeloma in heaven. I’m happy that you’re with Jesus and that you’re my guardian angel. I’m happy that I got to spend 17 years of my life with you. I’m happy that I have pictures and videos to remind me of you. And last but not least, I’m happy that I was blessed to have you as a father.

I love you to infinity Daddy,

Your daughter, Faith Tormusa-Koroma

This poem is about: 
Me
My family

Comments

Lovangelic_02

This is amazing! I'm so sorry for your loss. Great job channeling your feelings into this wonderful poem!

 

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