Dear Daddy, There is something I never told you...

I lost my soul in a man that broke my heart

My first love

The first person to show me what love and trust is

 The first person to hold me close and tell me he loved me

The first person to look me in the eye and I see nothing but pride in the fact that I was his

He was my knight in shiny armor,

The knight that would protect me from all harm and danger that could ever come my way

I was wrapped in his heart so much that I lost my soul trying to fight the man behind the helmet

I was 10 the day he broke my heart and by 13 the battle I was fighting to keep him was completely done

I gave my soul to try and find the old spirit I used to know

And since then I have never been able to regain control

Control of my common sense, control of my mind, control of the constant tears I cried every night

I was a pro at crying in silence and praying in darkness

And I’ll admit, there were times I gave up on praying and I did things I almost regret

I cried my eyes tired and I buried the sobs deep in my heart

Sobs so loud that only an equally hurting heart could hear

Tears eventually became invisible and my heart grew colder to anybody posing as a protector to my needs

I made decisions that I can’t even explain

I said things I could never take back

I made enemies.

The first man to hold me in his arms, the first man to read me a bedtime story, the first man to teach me about the world around me had become my biggest enemy

The first man I ever loved was the very first to break my heart

The armor he wore wasn’t so shiny and over the years I’ve only seen it rust

The man who was my father doesn’t even deserve the title

The man who took my soul and left me with the battle wounds

My first love, my father, my knight, my everything at one point in my life was buried with each sob I didn’t let out

Each year he tries to put on a different part of the armor he once wore to try and get me back

Truth is I don’t know if I could ever trust him to be what I saw him as

I don’t think I can look at him in a burning building and take his hand if it meant saving his life

I took my soul back the day I turned 18 and I vowed to never let him take control again

The knight in whom the time was right would deliver me to my prince

Is nothing but a memory from the fairy tale I thought I was living

Truth is I don’t live in a world of make believe anymore and the only person protecting me is me

And although I never thought I would say it

A knight is nothing but a man in a suit

And the day I am to be delivered to my prince

As I walk down the aisle to marry him

I’ll stand beside someone who is no more than a man in a suit

Whose armor is nothing but a memory of my imagination…..