dear depression

you have held far too much power over me for far too long.

i have been so intimidated by you; i thought i could never match you.

you have been so imposing and overpowering; i thought i had no chance. no control. no choice.

but i do.

i do have a choice, and i choose to live.

to live and to feel hope, and joy.

to shrug off the apathy you cloak me in and rise above the depths of your despair.

i will not be overtaken by you.

this is not a battle you can win, my friend.

you found me at a young age and you pulled me in close.

you whispered your malice in my ear and you walked me down all the wrong paths.

you led me into dark corners and let me trip over the roots of the horrors you were planting.

you held me back when i wanted to push forward. you pushed me ahead when i needed to stay still.

you took my hand and you led me toward the end, but i said no.

i let you stay with me, winding around my legs as i tried to run, slowing myself down to keep in pace with you, trusting in your choking presence.

i let you rise up with a vengeance and swallow me whole.

i bled for you, i wept for you, i screamed for you.

i let you drag me down deeper than i knew possible, and i felt true fear.

but no more.

you can't have me anymore. you can't be with me anymore.

you will stay back, out of the way, and let me move on.

i know you will always be there, watching and waiting, but you will not come forward.

you will not make a move, and you will not get close to me.

you will not hold me back and you will not take me down.

i will not die because of you.

you will not win.

i will win.

you will lose

everything.