Dear Depression,

Dear Depression,

Thank you. For throwing everything you had at me because guess what? I'm here, still alive and sucessful as ever, kicking your ass so how do you feel, knowing that you tried to take me down but failed. I know those are the things you told me, that I'm worthless, trash, that nothing I do will ever amount to anything but here I am now, you tried to take my life but I kept on fighting and I'm proud as hell to be standing here today spitting in your face because I beat you and you can't take that victory from me. Try as you may but I'll just keep on fighting. I'll take one good hard look at my left arm and visually trace the scars on it and remember that you tried to hurt me you tried to take me down. You kept me down and locked away within myself. I broke that lock. You used everything you could to get to me. You used my deadbeat father who I wish didn't even exist. You told me I'd end up just like his lying, unambitious, entitled disgusting ass and I proved you wrong. I said fuck you I'm not gonna end up like him. I may share a name with him but I refuse to share a life with him. I'm on my way to college to become a forensic science major. That's a whole hell of a lot more than he ever did. So no I will not end up like him. And I am not worthless because I have a girlfriend and mother who thing the fucking world of me. Even though I may never see it I know that I positively impact the people in my life and make their days just that tiny bit better. I know that sounds cocky but a little cockyness is just what you need to get through the shit you've put me through. You took those bullies from junior high and placed them inside my skull to keep drowning my every good thought with more and more hate. You made them tell me to kill myself because I'd never amount to anything. They told me that I'm just a stupid worthless fag who deservs to die. They told me that my father left me because I was too god damn ugly. They broke me down mentally and physically and you perpetuated that shit inside my head every waking moment. And if that weren't enough you so kindly reminded me of all of that when I realized that I was bisexual. You blamed me for being sexually abused and made me both the victim and the abuser. So thank you. Thank you for the hurt and the pain and thank you for making my curl up into a fetal position in the middle of a stormy night. Thank you for waking me up in the middle of a peaceful sleep for a panic attack and for making me too damn scared to talk to my own mother. Thank you for shoving pain killers down my throat and for tying a belt around my neck. Now I know what you do to me and I'm going to make sure to circumvent the shit you put me through. I'm gonna write my ass off and get all those shitty feelings out of my head and onto paper I'm gonna make music to flip this garbage on you and spread a positive messsage in the wake of your hatred. I'm gonna spite you with everything I have because every time you lose I win. Thank you for putting me through Hell because now that I understand you I'm gonna claw my way tooth and nail to Heaven.

- With all disrespect, Edwin.