Dear Ex-Girlfriend,

I would have put your name

But that seemed too real for me.

What would be such a relief to me is if this were just a sappy break up letter, but.

It’s not.

It’s a letter to tell you how I’ve been doing

Since you slithered into my life, filled me with poison, and snaked your way out with your head still attached.

It’s a letter to remind you that not only did you hurt me, but you ruined me.

You were like a black hole come to violently tear apart the vast galaxies that could have formed inside my brain, but unlike a black hole, you left something behind.

A soul.  At least, the pieces of what used to be a soul that were left in the lining of the rug so that when some innocent visitor walked over them, they cut at the visitor’s feet.

Dear, Ex-Girlfriend, did you know that even now, six lonely and hard years later, I still stop breathing when someone speaks your name?

It’s as if your name is a fist permanently stationed in front of me, right below my rib cage, just waiting for another chance to collide with my stomach and take my breath away once more as if to scream

I AM STILL HERE

AND YOU WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO ESCAPE

Lover, you took everything I offered and decided you wanted what I didn’t want to give and then you still weren’t happy.

But you loved me.

And if you couldn’t have me, even though you didn’t want me, nobody could have me.

So you spread me through the carpet and unlocked the front door, straightened the welcome mat, and went on your way.

Now, Dear, I fear your name and the memories you left me with because those memories are what made me what I am today.

So, dear Ex-Girlfriend, no matter what you believe, I want you to know that you took a broken soul and demolished it.

And since then, I have endured an uphill battle to find each piece and glue it back together.

And I wish, oh God how I wish, that I could resolve this letter with hope and love.  And a happy ending.

But love, I can’t.  I’m still broken, and wondering why someone could be so evil.

To someone so pure.

 

Love,

Still Broken