Dear Depression.

Dear Depression,

You've ruined me. Mentally, physically & sadly emotionally. You made me feel like I was nothing in this world. I pushed myself to the edge because of you and i've never done nor felt that with anything in my life except YOU. I never knew what you were, what you meant and what you did until I saw every little thing you've done to me over the past 17 years of my life. Scars that made my wrists look like tiger stripes. Thoughts that made me want to do things I would never want to image to be done in my life. You destroyed me in every way possible so you could get your satisfaction and leave me stranded with nothing. Not one thing to fight for. You take my breath away more than any beautiful song lyric, sightseeing view, human being could. I gasp for air, calling for help and you come back to show me i’m weak.. I’m nothing and it’s like my body and brain find comfort in you. When I feel lonely your there with me to comfort me in bad ways but you’re there. When I want to feel safe you’re there to make me cradle myself up and cry.. But you’re there. I never thought someone as horrible as you could make me feel so safe, yet so endangered to want to end my life. I’m tired, i’m stressed, i’m at a point in my life where you either make or break me. I want you gone.. I want happiness, I want change to fix myself and I want various of things but you just can’t let me go. Why?. why can’t you pick you’re next victim? Why can’t you leave me to be ME. I stay up late at night while wild thoughts run my mind.. Am I beautiful? maybe I should eat less to make myself look thinner, maybe I should eat more to look more “alive” anything for you depression. When is it my time to let go.. Fly away with the birds in that light baby blue sky calling my name. Are you the one who’s going to tell my parents my death reason, or disappear and move on being happy you took another life while i’m permanently gone and you keep living. Maybe you can’t find happiness so you find it in other people’s failures and disappointments. I HATE you. I hate myself because of you and you LOVE it.