Dear disquietude,

My anxiety hits me in waves like the tides that crash on the beach,

Hitting me hard and unrelenting and then

Suddenly gone.

Comparitive to the low tide when the waves are pulled back and reveal

a soft and new beach.

Just as quick as it left its back again and then I am surrounded by the crushing weight

Of fears that mean nothing to the person who is standing just a little too close next

to me.

Surrounded by the water and the weight and my heart pounds in my ears and im 

pushed down, dragged down with them. 

To the bottom of the sea

To the bottom of the depths of my mind.

And I am held there- a captive in the ocean of my thoughts.

Where I watch the waves swirl around me in a confused haze

and above me I can see something on the surface-

a boat above me that I can never reach.

Always out of reach taunting me with its security.

With its stability.

With its calmness.

With its ability to stay above the chaos, untouched. 

And I promise myself that one day I will not only reach it

But I will be its captain.