Dear ED

Dear ED,

or should I call you by your real name?

Anorexia.

Oh, how far we go back.

I have written this letter in my head hundreds of times to you

but I've never had the guts...

(Ha! the irony)

yes, the guts to actually put the words down and mean them

But here it is-

My good-bye letter to you

from me.

Good-bye Anorexia,

it is time for you to go.

You will no longer have conrtol over me

or my emotions.

I will no longer ask you if I am allowed to have another bite.

I will no longer be running to the restroom after eating "too much."

And I most definitly will no longer use pencil sharpeners incorrectly.

I don't know that I will ever be able to look at one,

a pencil sharpener that is,

again without thinking of a time when I would have taken it apart

to then study the blade.

Carefully.

Holding it steady

and then gliding it accross my own skin.

My body deserves an apology from you, Anorexia.

But I know I'll never get one.

And that's fine.

I have made peace with this.

I have had you in my head for as long as I can remember

and as scary as it is to say "good-bye" sometimes,

those good-byes are usually the most necessary ones.

Anorexia, you almost killed me.

Twice I was an inpatient at a center for people with eating disorders.

I will no longer be putting my family, friends, or self through Hell because of you.

I have cried too many times over you.

I will never forget what you put me through,

but I do forgive you.

You made me stronger than I ever thought was possible.

I don't need you anymore.

This is it.

It's time.

It's been time.

Time for a better life,

without you.

Good-bye Anorexia.

You won't be missed.

Sincerly, your worst enemy,

Amanda Olejniczak