Dear Fear

You were given to me by my dad when I was five.

You were enforced by my "friends" when I was seven.

You trasnformed into something worse when I changed schools when I was eight.

You gifted me with anxiety when I was nine.

You taught me to avoid my father at ten.

You taught me to follow my peers' lead at eleven.

You taught me to hate myself at twelve.

You taught me what it meant to be lost in my world at thirteen.

You taught me what death meant at fourteen.

You taugght me to be wary of the boy I "loved" at fifteen.

At the same time, I was learning to control you.

I learned to control you the first time a softball was hit at me, and I felt it land in my glove.

I learned to control you when I stood in front of my class and gave a presentation without shaking.

I learned to control you when I first got behind the wheel.

I learned to control you when I hit "Submit" on my first college application.

I am learning to control you now, as I write about you. 

I am learning who you are, and what you mean to me and my life.

I am learning to live with you, and in spite of you.

Sincerely, me