Dear First Love

Location

If I could change one thing about my past

It wouldn’t be me loving you, or the amount of time and effort I invested in you...

It would be the oceans waves that washed against this brown beach

The unforgettable thoughts that penetrated my mind and left footprints in my confidence

The sleepless nights I lay, drowning in my own uncertainties, you see... I can't swim

Yet I ventured out into this sea with you knowing that I couldn’t swim

I trusted you with my heart... took a chance on love because for some reason I couldn’t get you out of my mind;

That imaginary tape was stuck on rewind as I based my decision on your promise that "You would never hurt me"

 

But in this life lesson learned I came to the realization that hurt is inevitable

So you justify your actions as unintentional

Leaving me to suffer the consequential

 

I was mind-fucked by jealousy and raped by resentment

I vied for your attention

But you were too busy staring at her backside...

Too focused on her caramel colored skin...

Too intrigued by her late night conversations

She entertained your curiosity and I envied her ability to get you to keep secrets even Victoria fell ignorant to...

 

She wasn't just some chick you just met, some girl next door, some trick you just slept with, one of your numerous ex girlfriends, some slut, some bitch, some sideline hoe, no...

She was my best friend, my sister, my twin if only my mother had her

 

You chose her over me... and it was that night I had an epiphany...

I gave you all of me and you left me with nothing but my low self-esteem

That night

Depression became my best friend and loneliness became my new boyfriend...

That night

My dreams became nightmares as you wrote off our future as the past

 

You neglect to remember that

I painted pictures with you

Combined Water Colored Dreams with Acrylic Possibilities

I sculpted our offspring with clay of Purpose and placed them in a kiln called Destiny

I wrote a manuscript of our future

But you were too busy chasing these copies

You would rather plagiarize my Happily Ever After instead of trying to be a part of it

 

Don’t you see Glen Patterson Jr. I Loved You…

But you didn’t love me…

You were only infatuated with the idea of me…

I went from being your one and only to the only one you kept in your back pocket while some other girl took my place in your heart shaped locket

She became the apple of your eye while I simply became a lovely demise and love was nothing more than an angel in disguise

You claimed you loved me but if you loved me you would've never let the words "Fuck You" even grace your lips

 

So no longer will my value be dictated by those who do not see the beauty that lies within ones imperfections. I’m headed in a new direction

 

Its time I bury these years full of resentment and jealousy, loneliness and depression, insecurities and low self-esteem

It’s about time I finish this Life Lesson Learned and pass this exam with an A for Accountability of a woman who deserves more

Comments

nmiller14

This poem was absolutely amazing. I felt like I was reading my life. Great job!

lizardoa21

This piece is the embodiment of a "next" poem. You described the emotions you went through beautifully and though the story is sad instead a feeling depressed feels rejuvenating at the end when you accept the events and decide to move forward. Please keep writing and don't forget pieces like these, they are good for the soul.

lizardoa21

This piece is the embodiment of a "next" poem. You described the emotions you went through beautifully and though the story is sad instead a feeling depressed feels rejuvenating at the end when you accept the events and decide to move forward. Please keep writing and don't forget pieces like these, they are good for the soul.

Need to talk?

If you ever need help or support, we trust CrisisTextline.org for people dealing with depression. Text HOME to 741741