Dear Future Child

December 1, 2017

Dear future child,

Lately I have been spending my nights laying in bed dreaming of what life is going to be like once you arrive. Will you have my smile, my eyes, my laugh or will you be like your father. Who will your father be? I pray to God that I will be happily married. Its super strange but exciting, I can feel God molding me to be the perfect mother for you. I can only imagine how you are going to change me. How you could make me a better person. How you’ll give me a reasons to always do my best. How my dreams will change. I want you to know how much you are wanted, loved, and needed.. I also want to know how much I want and pray for you. I guess that's why I'm writing these letters. I want us to have the best possible life together. And whatever has happened along the way to get you here is going to be so worth it. Being able to hold you in my arms and look into your eyes. I will love you. I have started thinking about the lessons I want to teach you and what things well do together. I have thought of how I want to teach you the importance of working for something that you really want. And how much more you will appreciate it when its something that you haven’t had just handed to you. I want to teach you the value of making good decisions. I want you to be able to choose right from wrong, cause I wont always be there to tell you. Every decision you make is gonna have some sort of consequence. Either good or bad. I wonder which decisions I will be able to help you with and which ones you will face with God. I hope you are comfortable talking to God about things that you are struggling with without feeling weird about it. I want you to be able to go to him. Ill always be there for you when you need me. And probably even when you don’t need me. I will try my best not to get involved in every aspect of your life. I will respect your privacy. But like my mother has done in the car I will ask your friends thousands of questions. I will have trouble with boundaries so if I ask too personal of questions and your friends get uncomfortable just tell me and I will stop. I want to b the cool mom that all your friends love and call mom too. I will try and support you in everything you do. I don’t want you to do things alone, I want you to always have someone whether that's me or not. I will provide you with both what you need and what you want. Of course, you will not get your way all the time, and I will do my best to explain why that is. But even if I don’t completely feel comfortable  with something you want to do I will never use the phrase “because I said so” to justify my reasoning. And If something doesn't’t make sense to you I will make sure we talk it out. I want you know why I say the things I do and why we have certain rules. I wont shelter you but I also  wont just let you go off and do whatever you want. I promise you that I will do everything in my power to insure that you grow up with the love, support, education and understanding you deserve.I am going to raise you to have beliefs and to stick to those beliefs. Although I will encourage you to have an open mind , I am going to raise you Christian. I want you to accept Jesus as your savior. But I am not going to force you to go to church,  because I want you to want to go. I really want you to yearn to learn more about God and desire to have a  relationship with Jesus. I will love you whether you like boys, girls, or boys and girls. I will love you even if you are “special” or “different”. Cause the truth is you will be special and different regardless of what you are like.  You are my kid after all. That being said I will know when you are “sneaking” drinks or coming home drunk. I will know when something is wrong and I will make sure I show enough interest for you to tell about it. But only if you are ready. I will never call you “stupid” or “a disappointment” or a “failure”. I hope that I can set a positive example for you. That I can be someone that you can be proud of., like I am of my mom and dad. I will love you regardless of the color of your eyes, what color your hair is, and how well you play sports don’t have to be the best. But you try your hardest at everything you do then that's good enough for me. I want you to be able to talk to me, whether you are happy, sad, angry, confused, frustrated, nervous, or excited. You wont have to hide anything from me.  A little confession: I wont always know what I am doing. I don’t think any parent really does. My parents didn't’t, and I'm sure their parents didn't’t either. But they turned out fine and so did I. Which means hopefully you will too.

Sincerely,

Mom