Dear Gabi

Dear Gabi,

Last night I had a dream that you were alive

That you had tried to jump out of your window, maybe to fly

And I sat by your side because you didn’t die.

But as I woke up, I quickly realized that wasn’t real

And I can feel the darkness almost

swell inside me.

It’s a feeling I know well.

And I know you did too.

Since you left,

My journey of self discovery has been bumpy at best.

The nut house is entertaining,

and thirty aspirin is too much.

But what I want to tell you most,

what I would tell you if you were here,

is that I love you and I understand.

Because I didn’t want to live until

I tried to die too.