Dear God

Dear God,

 

I’m in a funny spot

I call it funny because I’m laughing out my mascara

I know You’re here

I know You can hear me breathing through my nostrils

and You’re in between my teeth as they clench like Lovers

thinking of July and August and September and December

those gasps of human wrath and miscommunication

that began to gnaw on what was left of my heart

 

Dear God,

 

I know You heard me

as I rocked back and forth on a cold dutch winters night

arms suddenly still, restriction cut

like a film loop of b-roll

I couldn’t see it all

 

Dear God,

 

You knew him as You knew me

a shell

a melted and mixed shell

that acted as a bullet casing

to his gun, to his fire

the fires he promised me burned of Love and care

and I know

I know You heard him occasionally

just as he looked down at his hands in anger and confusion

You saw too the malnourishment and the lust and the greed

and I still wonder how You protected me from it all

 

how do You still protect me from this all?

 

Dear God,

 

never in my life have You left me

forsaken me, never judged me

never sent me into his clenches

never ran in the fear of peer pressure

or hormonal urges

or deep emotional ties, or greed, sex, power, intellect, Love

--no, You welcomed Love

--encouraged me to Love

and father, I did.

I Loved.

 

You’ve taught me, too, that Love is not double sided

 

Love is patient and Love is kind

Love does not envy

Love does not boast

Love is not proud

does not dishonor

is not self-seeking

not angered

unforgiving

Love does not delight in evil

Love… rejoices in Your truth.

 

Love protects, 

Love trusts, 

Love hopes,

and above all 

Love perseveres. 

 

Dear God,

 

You’ve taught me that it’s my choice to Love

and the types of Love we all have chosen to mold

and yes, I've Loved in every form

I've Loved in lust—I Loved in fear

 

and somehow… i haven’t felt ashamed. 

I haven’t felt the wrong that prophets have told me through telegraphs.

 

Yet, still, in spite of it all—

 

Dear Child, 

 

Because I Love You, I will never forsake you. 

 

Because I am patient and I am kind

I do not envy

I do not boast

I am is not proud

do not dishonor

am not self-seeking

not angered

unforgiving

 

I will protect you against the rain that is surely to come.

 

And it’s all because I love you.

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