dear God,

dear God,

with a capital G,

is their any way i can say this simply?

how do i tell mom

that i don't know what's wrong with me?

that my brain steals

locks

hides

memories

both good and bad

away from my conscious?

how do i explain to father

that his words mean more than his actions?

that he can be a "loving" father

but despise his child?

how do i say

that the love of my life

is the same sex as me?

that our love is intense and passionate,

but as soft as a fall breeze.

do you love me still, God?

are you even there?

i know i disgrace you.

you despise people like me. 

but aren't i still your child nontheless?