Dear Grandma,

It hurts
And I'm drowning
It's almost a feeling of peace
Or unconsciousness
Sometimes I crave the end of it all
But I have hope
Hope that someone will come along
And they'll understand
They'll listen...
I feel alone
Sometimes I think no one will miss me
But I know better
There's someone out there who i'll be leaving
Realistically I'm just trying to hold on
I'm struggling to breathe
It's like every time I think someone's here to save me
I end up back in the water
Swimmings the easy part
But I have no reason to
Under the water, there's silence
Silence
As the tears disappear into the water
But in the end I'm still drowning
And I realize there's no water
There's no crashing waves pulling me back under
There's no storm on the horizon
Just me
And detrimental thoughts
Battle scars on my mind
Wounds that never heal
Pain that won't fade
Suicidal thoughts that won't come true
I'm hurting but I have hope that there's a part of me still fighting
Because I love you
I love your hugs and our talks
I love the trust that I give you
I love the way you tell me it’s ok
I love the tears I can always let go of with you
I love your kind voice whispering reassuring words
I survive
Because I love you
I can breath
Because I love you
Grandma I’m still fighting
Because you love me