dear h o p e: a memoir

The only thing I can believe in because you are always there

When I needed you the most

Every tear I shed was taken for granted

Every face I made regretted

But you stayed there

I

 didn’t

    know

Nor did I know I had the courage to write this

But when you constantly fight this

o p p r e s s i o n

And I’m staring myself down

Honestly, I hate what I see but do I have a choice not to look

I never told anyone this but I wish I could disappear

but

  I

   can’t

Because you are here-

And you are --- the only thing I can believe in because you are always there

When I needed you the most

h o p e will you leave when I no longer desire to stay

-I don’t know-

Because I’ve felt that feeling before and I felt lonely

But I always had a sense of h o p e

But times get harder

Tougher issues to push through, now all I can think about is-

How much I f a i l e d you, how much I d i s a p p o i n t e d you,

I’m so sorry h o p e I didn’t want to give up but I guess I really did forsake you

Look,

I cried and I cried

I cried so much that my eyes burn so much when I even think about--

h o p e

you’re all I have

I’m lonely, taken for granted

h o p e lets me see

If I didn’t have h o p e who knows where the heck I’ll be

Cause I don’t, so thank you for not turning your back on me

No matter how many times I pushed you away and screamed for you to leave

Because I was hurting, and maybe I still am

That’s why you’re still with me

On that journey, and ones to come

To teach me it’s ok to feel and not to be numb

So I thank you, it’s been real

You are my pow​er, my fuel, my muse

I dedicate this to you, h o p e

Thank you.