dear hollywood

hi i’m asian

wait, stop! hold the gong and oriental music for a second!

i’m a native new yorker and lived here all my life

but my “yellow” complexion, jet black hair, and small eyes

compel you to think otherwise

to you i'm an exotic fruit

ripe and perfectly sweet for the taking

or a silent and submissive geisha

who will kill herself if i’m cheated on

no, no i’m the comedic relief

with taped eyelids and accented eyebrows

but in reality, i’m the one laughing

because the white actor you cast looks like a freaking alien

oh, now you’re going to hire actual asian actors!

to play physical manifestations of 19th century caricatures

to perpetuate racial stereotypes without all the makeup

but now you aren't racist

because we’re in on the joke too!

all asian men are exactly the same

quiet, awkward, nerdy, emasculated

all asian women are exactly the same

quiet, awkward, nerdy, fetishsized

we’re all characterizations to fit societal definitions of femininity and masculinity

and you disregard everyone who doesn’t fit in your hetero cisgendered norm

i guess i should be grateful i’m the recipient of that man’s awestruck gaze

from his jaundiced eyes

because i’m the perfect item

to complete his samurai sword and calligraphy scroll collection

instead of the molly ringwald grimaces

the fifteen seconds it takes for steve harvey to catch his breath

the laughter that follows when two broke girls just think they’re so clever

when they regurgitate punchlines that inspired lines to punch the new foreign exchange student

and that boy,

slobbering blood all over his mouth,

can’t rest easy when he sees an older reflection of himself

in a video if he ever tried to escape by flying “ the friendly skies”

to you, the asian actors weren’t really acting at all

but no, you got it all wrong

it was the non-asian actors that were letting their true racism show

because for the first time, your portrayal is accurate

in its reflection of the real life ridicule and long history of dehumanization

we’ve suffered for centuries

and when an asian actor has the chance to play someone other than the laughingstock

you use the excuse that asian actors aren’t bankable enough

well if everyone stopped laughing maybe they’d be more than the running joke

but instead they’re running twice as hard to a finish line that was never laid out for them

you think all asian people are the same

but let me tell you the blizzard you started is blinding

at least the white actors now are smart enough to know

yellowface isn’t a good look for their faces or careers

hi i’m scarlett johansson as motoko kusanagi

hi i’m emma stone as allison ng

hi i’m tilda swinton as the tibetan ancient one

hi i’m nat wolff as light yagami

thanks for casting them so that we’re entirely non-existent

much like the history behind the train tracks laid down from sea to shining sea

or the concern over why u.s soldiers’ jeep tire tracks were stained red

could you ever imagine what it would look like to see only an asian on a movie poster

or will we forever be scattered yellow post- its

useful when needed

crushed when disposed

we strain our necks to see a familiar face among the set pieces

strain our ears to hear lilly okanakamura and katana

but their silence speaks volumes

their presence solely used for decoration

we’ve only ever been in the background

even in asia itself

because in your world

somehow tom cruise is the last samurai

and matt damon is the ultimate savior of ancient china

or were they simply fulfilling the modern fictionalized version

of the white man’s burden?

and when i try to voice my thoughts

people are taken aback i even have a voice

and blow me off because it’s all ching chong wing wong

no i’m not the hypersexualized china doll fantasy

trapped in the walls of the house

with a fervent need for playtime

no i’m not the docile schoolgirl

hands forever at mid peek-a-boo

as i giggle every time i’m treated like a child

no,

i’m not playing

no, this time

i’m doing the schooling

stop telling me i shouldn’t see color

my eyes exist and i have never seen someone who looks like me on screen

no wonder no one can guess what i am for halloween

stop telling me i should go watch asian content for respectable representation

i’m an american

not an eternal foreigner because of my ethnicity

stop telling me i’m overreacting

when i’ve grown up seeing myself as a constant over exaggeration  

next time you want to take a bite out of my heritage

know that

i bite back