Dear Impulsiveness

Dear Impulsiveness,

 

I think its time we had a little chat

Oh no, don’t talk back, this is MY time to chat

God I wish you never got involved

WAIT, I take that back!

See there you go again impulsiveness speaking without being asked

You are excruciatingly, annoyingly rash

How you just jump in without any notice,

without any regard, without any central focus

how is it that I’ll be perfectly happy, yes perfectly fine

then all of a sudden, I’m jumping off a cliff,

into 20 feet waters

no life jacket

I can’t swim

But its just the kind of predicament that you would put me in

Sorry not sorry is that attitude I get from you

When I am just about to commit, when I should probably just quit

While I’m ahead

But when it comes to you I have no ace in my back pocket because

Unfortunately, you are the ace in my back pocket

Like DON’T YOU DARE

Run up and slap that cute guy on the butt

Just to snatch a couple bucks from your friends

You already know, that they already know

They will have to cough up

When it comes to you, there is no falter or misstep

Just the fall to rock bottom

After you missed several steps in the process of common sense

Because you are not one who restricts herself

To the sense of the common world

I have no regrets,

I just disrespectfully disagree

with the moments where impulse, you did not take the high road

nor the shy road

more like the road you justified with the vindictive feelings composed inside

that pushed away the ones that only ever tried

but you trampled on their pride, because they tried

tried to understand you

but instead tripping every wire that caused them to run from the fire

they lit, behind your eyes

she didn’t mean to make you feel the pressure of 2nd place

while she laughed, not meaning to, in your face

with someone you feared about to take your place

you owned that position

hell you set up camp in BFF Territory

All others beware!

But had she known

You did not fare well under the fear of having to say, “Farewell”

In the process of becoming obsolete

She might have shown extra care to take care of y—

You never would have needed to hit the accelerator so hard

In an attempt to get her to take the bait

And give way to the chase, for the friendship you let escape

Your grasp

Impulse, you just had to drop by and say if she really wanted to stay

Homegirl would have picked up the pace

Little did I know

I was running that race alone

You impulse, were my driver,

Man I’d love to give you a high-five

Or a five-star!

Because there was no race, no chase,

No first place up for grabs

Because I had it, impulse I HAD it!

But I gave it away, NO you gave it away!

See impulse, you work in mysterious ways

Cutting into my friendships and love-life

Always getting in the way

See, you probably shouldn’t have kissed that boy on the cheek

Who squirmed to get away from your impulsive streak

Who only ever came to art class to get a little piece of mind

Boy did I break up that boy’s piece of mind

Who at a loss of words

Could not define

The trauma I put him through

Man 7th grade was not my best display of reading the crowd

Boy was that a rough a crowd

Or the times when I fail to let someone speak up

In the hopes that I can get them to be outspoken

But they no longer want to open up

To the girl that rushed headstrong

Into the excitement of being excited about another

But impulse, if you were my mother, you’d say

“they weren’t the one for you because they didn’t do what you wanted them to do”

I can’t help but wonder what I might have discovered

If I had taken the time to smell the roses

Of their floral personality, sweet in small doses, yet strong in an abundance

An abundance they would have one day felt comfortable enough in sharing with me

If only my patience did not give out before I could feel

By feel, I mean feel a real human connection

One I wish didn’t take as long as dial up internet connection

For them to connect the dots that I liked them

But a human connection all the same, if I had just remained sane

But you, impulsiveness just had to take the reigns

In so many areas impulsiveness, you have failed me

But I can’t help but highlight the moments in which you have availed me

In so many cases taking the dive led to

Climbing so high and ziplining through the sky

Despite every nerve screaming out that I might just die

Here on this strung out line called my adrenaline that I clung to

I never would have led many on a chase

Only for the worthy few to catch me

And to run alongside at our chosen pace

Never to once feel the feelings of becoming obsolete

Who knows if I ever would have shared a kiss

Behind the dark curtains of my inner bliss

With a guy I thought would surely dismiss

Even a smidgeon of the crush I had on him

But you impulse gave me these gifts

Where living life is the gist of what you are and what you do

So thank you for the learning experiences

Lets not do it again, and say we did.

Thank you for the best moments in my life

Please lets do it again sometime.

I’m hoping you’ll take my struggles into consideration

In the configuration of the rest of my life you and I will share

Because see me and you, impulse, needed to have a little chat

Where, for once, you didn’t get to talk back

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This poem is about: 
Me

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