Dear Insecurities

Dear Insecurities,

You have always been there for me

Like a dear friend

You started out small

Just as I used to be

But as I grew

So did thee

As I look back to my past I see how long you have been here

Around the corner, behind me,

Or in the mirror, starring right in front of me

You came from other friend’s heads, and developed to reality

Until you weaved yourself like a vine into mine

Or was it that you were just there from the beginning of time

Waiting until the right moment to break the surface and climb into sight

As I grew older you broke ground on my emotions and mental sanity,

And you try to rework the surface to be more to your liking

You say that I am not good enough and don’t do enough and I am far from the word perfect

You say that I am fat and ugly and don’t deserve my boyfriend because he is all of those things and more

You have grown like a weed inside of me, and become a part of me

One year you were so bad, I almost had breakdowns nightly

And now it is so bad I cannot hear my love tell me that he is talking to a her without worrying that he has found a girl much prettier and smarter than me

But then he reassures me

But then I know I am loved

That I am beautiful

That I am amazing

That I am successful and wonderful,

And he is luckiest man in the world to have me

I remember these things and become the most confident person in the room

But even if you leave you always come back and that same room goes back to gloom

I want you gone

I want you to leave

I want you to see me

The real, wonderful, successful, headstrong, perfect person that I am

Insecurities I will not allow you to engulf me in your lies that seep into me

Because you have betrayed me for many years too long

Please Leave

You are not welcome inside of me any longer than you occupied my soul

In fact, let the door hit you on your way out