Dear Insecurities

Dear Insecurities, 

I hate you.

You are the one thing that holds me back.

I try to see past you or forget you, 

But it's impossible.

When I look in the mirror I don't see myself, 

I see you.

You make more judgment calls than I ever will.

You have control over me. 

You have control over my life.

When I sleep, you cloud my nightmares.

You make my worst fear, ten times worse.

I keep trying to get out of the hole you dug for me,

But you keep dragging me back in.

Every time I smile, you make me frown.

Every time I laugh, you make me cry.

You think your my best friend, but your my worst enemy.

I tell you to go away, but you ignore me. 

I try to see the light, but you smother me with darkness.

I try to let my scares heal, 

But you keep ripping them open, making them bleed.

I sit in my room, the only company is you,

And that is worse than loneliness.

The only thing I can count on from you, 

Is you're always there.

I guess I'm responsible for youbeing here, 

Because I am afraid of the loneliness more than I am afriad of you.

But I will see past you.

I will forget you.

One day I will look in the mirror and see myself.

I will make judgment calls.

I will have the control.

When I dream, I will dream of myself, making it to the top.

I will face my fears.

One day I will get out of the hole you dug for me,

And fill it with all the bad memories, 

When I smile, the smile will stay. 

When I laugh, I will not let you make me cry,

You are not my best friend and I will leave you behind.

When I tell you to go away, you will. 

I will rise out of the darkness and let my scars heal.

I will surround myself with the ones I love,

So I will never be lonley enough for you to come back

I guess in the end,

I love you for making me stronger.