Dear Julian,

We’re at the pool both of us sitting side by side not saying anything. I want to tell you how I feel about you but words just don’t want to come out and I don’t what to do. I don’t even know if you know my name and I think about all the time. It’s crazy cuz I don’t even know you. I feel like I’m part of the song, “call me maybe”, how the girl doesn’t even know the guy but the fact that he’s in the same place as her amuses her, as if she’s in love with a stranger. But we all know how that turned out so maybe  I shouldn’t cuz I know how that turned so maybe I shouldn’t have used that as an example. Oh well, I know my story doesn’t end like the video. Or at least it shouldn’t cuz I know you enough to that you’re not like that.

You have that vibe of being mysterious just like my dad gave my mom. Every time she talks about my dad, how she’s just smiling the entire time. I feel like that when I talk about you, if I ever get to. Maybe that’s why I’m so into you besides the fact that you’re gorgeous. I have dreams about together… You and me… Together… Showing each other of to everyone. If only it was real. I could totally do for something like that in my life… To be loved.

Today, my best pool friend told me that I looked depressed but I wasn’t; I was just thinking… About you. Its crazy I don’t even really know if you have any interest to even talk to me… But I think you do cuz I was in the pool and you weren’t and you were about to leave so I got out of the pool and sat on the lawn chair, you had all your stuff ready to go. You looked back and saw me there and came back. J But after a while of sitting there side by side… Saying nothing… You left me there all alone. You probably got bored. But I wasn’t… the entire time I was thinking… About you. Seeing if you would get the guts to talk to me… Or at least if I would be. I wish I was brave enough to talk to you. At least once… to prove to you that I’m not like my weirdo friends.

I can feel the connection between us. Maybe it was just a coincidence that you came back… but maybe it wasn’t. The only thing that I’m scared of, is if its just all in my head and none of this is actually happening the way I see or feel it…

IT JUST SCARES THE CRAP OUT OF ME.