Dear Lonely Past

For the longest time, I walked hand in hand with you.

You led me like a foreigner in a bustling city full of life.

I wanted to experience the foreign world but,

I could never experience anything as you held my hand tightly.

            You said you were protecting me.

I let you lead me,

I was afraid of what would happen if I let go.

You were all I had,

            Or, well, you made me believe

Empty space was my only security.

I would gaze at the world, aching to be a part of it,

But had no courage to face it.

            I was afraid of what you would do if I let go.

I wanted my future to explode like undiscovered stars

neglected by wandering telescopes.

I wanted to be free,

free from the bounds, the shackles, that hold me down.

I wanted to leap forward with a heavy soul but free spirit.

I wondered if I sat still

Would my future come to me?

Like the wind blowing the children of flowers

lulling them a promise of life.

Maybe if I stayed up all night long

my future will streak across the sky,

          praying a wish to a rock.

It took me a long time to realize what I had to do.

            I finally let go.

How many times did I stumble,

like a drunk bastard heavy with liquor, guilt, and sorrow.

I would come back to you,

And you would smile at me knowing how much I depended on you.

I would whisper words of forgiveness

And you would take my hand and lead me again through the streets.

But finally, I have built the courage to say:

Hello my lonely past

this will be the last time I’ll write.

This is my final goodbye.

I don't know what lies ahead but

I will accept it with a smile

even if with each step, I take my last breath

because finally, I will be free from you

the heavy weight

that made me dead.

Sincerely,

A Hopeful Future