Dear mama,
Forgive me for not being the child you want me to be.
I'm sorry for being part of the reasons why your blood pressure sky rockets.
Everything in your eyes that I do is hard for you to realize.
See, these hands that you gave me are hard at work,
Rather I'm writing my brains out or working hard labor for that thing we call money.

My mind seems to wonder off relentlessly for some type of relief.
I'm trying to chase after that thing we all call happiness.
Small things seems to trigger my deep sorrows.
As much as I want to say it and explain it,
Nothing comes out but silence,
And if you're lucky,
Weeping of tears from years of pain and depression.

Dear mama,
I'm sorry for the things that I do make me seem like a bad child.
Forgive me for going out smoking some good herbs to relax and calm my mind.
It's not a drug of addiction,
It's an herb of relaxation of the disrupted,
And I'm sorry for that your teacher of life is that tv screen and that tv show we call Fox News and Cops.

Dear mama,
I'm sorry,
Forgive me.
Im sorry, forgive me.
I am so sorry, please forgive me.
My hand shakes and trembles from writing this.
I only wish to see you smile and be content.
But the way I live my life and my lifestyle isn't what you want from me.
I understand you're only trying to protect me as my mother.
See, I wish you could see and understand this.
But the native tongue that's was born to receive and given has decreased because of the pressure of not being "American enough."

Dear mama.
You gave your life to have me.
To birth me even when I wasn't that son that my birth dad wanted.
And I won't understand how it will feel like to give birth to a child,
Because I know,
I won't put myself through that process.
Because I won't give myself to a grown boy.
Yes I said boy because unless you are a real man who treats women good and right,
You will always be in my eyes,
A little boy.

Dear mama,
I'm sorry that my education level is not the stereotype of an Asian
Forgive me for not trying hard enough to understand the materials.
But I am tired of the bullsh*t that you think is okay.
When I know in your mind it's not okay.

Dear mother...
The only things I can say and tell you is,
"I'm sorry, forgive me."
Only words that I can ask and tell you.
Only those words that would come out of my mouth.
I'm sorry I'm not like my siblings.
Forgive me for not being like them.
I'm the odd one out, out of the six that were born.
Five times, I'm guessing you think you have failed.

Dear to the one who birth me...
You never failed.
You only did what you could have done.
You only did what you think was right.
I don't blame you for doing that.
Yes, I was upset most times.
But I understood that this world is so cruel.
Too cruel for the weak to live in.
But you've given me the tools to survive it.

Dear mama...
I think this time Imma have to say this.
It's so hard for me to even think about this.
But if,
Just if...
I die and the news says that I deserved to die for my actions against the government,
It's only to better the world for your grandkids, grandkids.
But most of all,
I'm sorry that you had to burry your youngest child,
Rather than your youngest child help burry you along with their siblings.