Dear Me

Dear me,

Things have been pretty rough these last few years,

Haven’t they?

We could talk about the good things

The fun times with the ones you care about

The days your cheeks hurt because you couldn’t stop smiling

The times when you didn’t have a care in the world

The seconds you forgot about all your worries

We could talk about the blessings in your life

The people that are the reason you smile

Or we could talk about your achievements

Third place in the science fair

How about being on honor roll twice

But let’s just get to the point

How did you pretend to be today?

Because I know the truth

That most of the smiles were fake

The times you laughed?

You were trying to feel something

Did you see Grandma today? Was she nice?

Or did she call your brother stupid

And do nothing but degrade you?

Was Dad in a good mood? Was he nice?

Or was he mean and pushy

Did he do nothing and still manage to make you feel small?

When Mom came home, did she have a smile on her face?

Or did she walk through the door and make you feel like everything you do is wrong?

Did they make you feel stupid, like you are nothing? That you can’t do anything right?

Did you run crying into your room

But instead of getting mad at the ones who made you feel so insignificant,

You started silently yelling at yourself

Why do have to be stupid? Why can’t I do anything right?

I’m sorry I’m not good enough

I hate myself

Then, once your eyes aren’t red and puffy anymore

You go back out to the living

With your fake smile

And they didn’t even notice you were gone

I have one thing to say to you

This will all be over soon

Soon you will be gone

And when you call once a week

Or try and come home for a visit when you can

All they will care about when they first see you

Is “Why don’t you ever call?

Why don’t you write? Or come visit more often?

Don’t you care about us? We raised you better than that?”

And you will hold your tongue

Because in spite of everything they do to you,

You love them

All I want you to know is

That I love you

Love,

Me