Dear Mom;

I always say you are the best love I ever had

Well, you are the only love I ever knew

And you probably know that it hurts you aren’t here

It hurts more when I remember standing at the door

Straining to look through the glass

And all I could see was a beautiful face but in an ugly place

And I walk in to try and create a conversation

The last time we’d ever talk

I said hi and all I got in response was silence

Except for this irritating beep in the room

And it couldn’t be switched off because it’s how you responded

Or at least, it’s the only assurance I had of any aspect of life in you

I stretched my quivering hands to reach yours

And it felt great, feeling your warmth one more time

I was smiling because hope is all you taught me to know

And all I wanted was to see you to smile again just in case you woke up.

At that moment, I was scared and hurt…

I was scared because your skin became pale than it used to be

I was scared because your skin became hyper elastic

I was scared because your heart beat 2 times slower than mine

I was hurt because we couldn’t share a meal at our usual table

I couldn’t feed you either

I’m hurt because I have no one to talk to

Because we don’t handle celebrations the same any more

I was hurt because your last words kinda haunt me more than they inspire me

I’m hurt because I’ve written you many letters without replies

We’ve moved from celebrating your birthday each mid-year

Now we commemorate your anniversary at the beginning of every year

It’s been a decade

But memories of you are still fresh my mind

And just know that I write hoping one day you will reply…

Mom, when you do, just tell me you missed me

Tell me I should have put on a grey sweater instead of pink

Tell me the mother of my son deserves me

Tell me Dad did his best for you, for us…

Mom, tell me I just did right by standing for what you made me believe in

Tell me you got all my messages because…

I can’t wait to tell you how I missed your food

I can’t wait to tell you how dearly Grandma missed you

How she talks about you every day

I can’t wait to tell you that I’m thankful

Thankful for the years you were always there for us