Dear Mom

Dear Mom,

My unbearable insecurities are rippling through my body making it hard to breathe.

My racing mind, my taunting thoughts, I want to put it all to ease.

The lost wishes repeating in a hushed prayer, holding my knees curled.

I lay in bed tracing my skin, squeezing my eyes shut, I want to be like the other girls.

I whisper, give me longer hair, not the kinks, so it'll blow in the wind.

Longer eyelashes and clearer skin.

The demons in my ear, "You're ugly." 

Will ultimately win.

The funny thing is, we'll not funny at all,

is the word beautiful, the word I have never been called,

has never left your mouth,

not once at all.

So how am I supposed to believe it?

While the boys call me ugly, on my face their spit.

Why do we judge? Why do we need to be pretty to be accepted?

I feel as my hollow structure will forever be indebted.

When will these repeating thoughts of self hate finally cease?

The verbal punches to my gut, over and over on repeat.

Please fall in love with my beautiful mind,

tell me why you find me kind,

tell me my opinions and thoughts are as strong as my heart.

Hold me close don't tear me apart.

No, I'm not talking about a significant boy, I'm talking about the person who conceived me,

Love me.

Why don't you see that the person I've become isn't who I want to be?

Hold me.

Rock me back and forth and tell me that I'm your beautiful daughter that you can only see.

Convince me.

Because I'm in dire need of convincing.